I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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