Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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