You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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