i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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