I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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