Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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