ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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