someone owes me an orgasm
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
