I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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