Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Even my vagina gasped.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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