I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
