so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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