Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
