the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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