hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
