between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
