Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They took my balls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
