I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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