it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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