What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
