Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
