if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
