Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
