yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
