i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
