I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
