Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
