Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
