I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
