my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
