why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
