i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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