No subtext here. People are naked.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
