Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
