this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize