I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
