Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
