maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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