Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
