it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
