I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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