the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize