my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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