how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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