I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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