I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
