does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
