Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I want her autograph on my taint
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
