I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize