He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
