This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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