First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
