Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
