Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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