All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
