even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
