and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
