nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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