They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Alive.
So much puke
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize