Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
P.S. I can't hear my feet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
