i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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