dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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