Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
