is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
