see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
