Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
