Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
