It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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