Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
