I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want a musical about memes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
