she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come share oat with me in your robe
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize