He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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