I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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