just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
