He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
