On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
