he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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