theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
