Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
