There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize