good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize