like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
