i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
