An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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