I cannot find my penis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
