i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize