STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
