This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
