i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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