shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
