The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize