The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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