There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
