i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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