I just made out with a guy for $7.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
