Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
