I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
