Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
