Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
