Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
