Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
