it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
