she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize