Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
