Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
